Tuesday, October 15, 2013


I come here often. I open the "new post" option and stare at the blankness. I think about what I've done lately, sigh, and then close the tab without writing a single thing. I have no beautiful pictures to share with you. We haven't had any amazing family outings to beautiful locations. There have been no great revelations of any kind. We've just been living. Doing our thing.

But that isn't all. Let's be real. I'm depressed. It's a tidal pull of "meh, I just don't care" that comes and goes in my life. I'm not sad or weepy. I'm listless, irritable, restless, frustrated, and utterly without drive to do anything. Inspiration is a thing that feels foreign and unknowable. I realize that I should push myself to do. Mind over body, right? But it's my mind that is stuck in the mud pit right now.

I'm at the point in this cycle where my mood angers me. Where I throw my hands in the air and demand that someone tell me what to do in order to snap out of this funk. Do I have any idea how/when/why this usually ends? Of course not. Once it's over all I want to do is forget that it ever happened and move back to being active and here
So yeah. I'm still around. Still taking care of my kids (though the homeschooling has maybe definitely suffered). Still baking and knitting and (very rarely, at this point) dealing with fiber. Still reading a slew of blogs each and every day - marveling about how much people get done without letting chemicals/hormones/brain wiring/whatever slow them down.

I'm here. I'm just not here.


  1. I'm sorry to hear that, your energy often comes into my mind lately and if I can do anything for you, please ask. I'm on the opposite spectrum these days so much energy so much outward streaming, lots getting done but I risk becoming haggard as I find it hard to switch of and sleep at night. Although it's hard find some sort of love for the space your in, be deep and ride it through, one thing is certain the natural law of change. big hug

  2. I hope you feel better soon :)

  3. Sorry to hear you're blue.... take care of yourself.... x

  4. holding your hand sweetheart and am at the end of an email if you need to chat x x x

  5. Is this something normal that you go through each year? I'm sorry Melissa, really. I have a sister who suffers from depression and is on meds to keep something really terrible from happening.
    I have been so down myself that I haven't even wanted to be near the computer.
    This life is hard, no two ways about it, but I am trying to pull myself up and I hope you can too.
    You know I always have you in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. It's a hard thing to deal with, my depression manifests in the same ways (irritable, restless, lacking in motivation etc).Look for the little things that make you smile. Celebrate small achievements. Thank you for sharing, and I really hope things start improving for you.

  7. I too am dealing with depression at this moment and my homeschooling has also suffered. I know it will get better. Try and hold onto that thought. You sound a lot like me. Hang in there.

  8. Sending love and blessings abundant, friend. I'm sorry you struggle so. I have been there. I fight going there again often. You are not alone.

  9. sending you love. know that you are not alone, i fight it too.