Down.

I come here often. I open the "new post" option and stare at the blankness. I think about what I've done lately, sigh, and then close the tab without writing a single thing. I have no beautiful pictures to share with you. We haven't had any amazing family outings to beautiful locations. There have been no great revelations of any kind. We've just been living. Doing our thing.

But that isn't all. Let's be real. I'm depressed. It's a tidal pull of "meh, I just don't care" that comes and goes in my life. I'm not sad or weepy. I'm listless, irritable, restless, frustrated, and utterly without drive to do anything. Inspiration is a thing that feels foreign and unknowable. I realize that I should push myself to do. Mind over body, right? But it's my mind that is stuck in the mud pit right now.

I'm at the point in this cycle where my mood angers me. Where I throw my hands in the air and demand that someone tell me what to do in order to snap out of this funk. Do I have any idea how/when/why this usually ends? Of course not. Once it's over all I want to do is forget that it ever happened and move back to being active and here
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So yeah. I'm still around. Still taking care of my kids (though the homeschooling has maybe definitely suffered). Still baking and knitting and (very rarely, at this point) dealing with fiber. Still reading a slew of blogs each and every day - marveling about how much people get done without letting chemicals/hormones/brain wiring/whatever slow them down.

I'm here. I'm just not here.