On the Up.

I've written this post so many times and deleted it just as many. I'm still finding the borders of how much I want to share here. Let's just say that there has been a great deal of mental and emotional turmoil in my head lately. The stress of that has caused all manner of physical problems, not the least of which is how I've been handling interactions with my kids.

Today at lunch I was talking with B and everything just clicked into place in my head. There have been times I've found peace these last few weeks, the moments when I don't feel overwhelmed and they all have something in common. I think I need to be following my passion. As an amazing woman wrote about recently, I've been letting my fear direct me, prevent me, control me.

I find my center when I'm reading about homesteading. I read things like Made From Scratch, Storey's Guide to Raising Sheep, From Scratch, and a slew of blogs. My heart sings when I read about families and their gardens and animals.

So what's the problem? I don't live on acreage with skills and knowledge and friends and.. right. See, I let myself become bitter. I told myself that I couldn't have the life I want just because it wasn't being handed to me. Yes, I'm a thirty-two year old who occasionally thinks like a spoiled child.

Where am I going with this? B and I talked at lunch. I've (we've?) decided that this year, I will have chickens. Come hell or high water, as they say. Or maybe Guineas. But birds, dammit.

This leaves me with challenges to overcome. I need to make money to pay for birds, their food, their housing. I need to clean up the backyard. I need to read and research. We have no tools to speak of, no woodworking experience, no farm experience, no animal care beyond cats and a dog. Any tips, ideas, suggestions will be heartily appreciated. I'll be churning out some assorted gnomes (really the only thing to sell in my sad little Etsy shop) to help raise money.

For those of you that have sloughed through this dull-to-everyone-but-me post, here are pictures of random things from the past week.

(these are sunflowers. Microgreens here we come!)