Ranting.

I feel like such a terrible mother right now. Here I am, at my computer, researching how to go about weaning my middle child. While he sits on my lap. Ugh.

I've always been so proud to be nursing my toddler. He'll be two at the end of next month. And I've always said I'd be happy to nurse him as long as he wants (within reason - I don't think I can nurse a teenager, sorry). So why do I have all of these resentful feelings right now? Every time he wants to breastfeed I inwardly cringe.

When the Beast was born, the Imp started nursing more. I expected that. Everyone said he would slow back down eventually. It's been four months. He still wants to subsist solely on breast milk. He wants me to nurse him throughout the day, just before sleeptimes, at meals. He completely freaks out if I need him to wait. He leaks all over me and demands that he feed from both sides. If I stop him before he's ready, the world ends. And you know what? It's uncomforatble. I keep hoping that it's a transistional thing and that his latch will go back to normal. But it isn't. It doesn't hurt exactly, I just don't like it.

So I have all of these conflicting feelings. I don't want to resent nursing him. I don't want to force-wean him. But I don't want to feel like a put out doormat, either.

I'm going to try to get to a local breastfeeding support group next Wednesday. I'm not sure I have a lot of hope that they'll help at all. But I need to try.