Knitting again.

I've been knitting this headwrap for a dear friend's birthday. I was worried that it was going to be delivered late (due to my starting it late) but now I'm positive. I have to rip the whole thing out and start again. It's too big. I'm knitting the smallest size on needles several sizes smaller than recommended and it's still too big. Ugh. I think I remember now why I stopped knitting for so long.

Crazy weather

Ice, sleet, and snow have been forecast for tonight and tomorrow. No big deal, right? This is a common winter thing, yes? Not in North Florida. I was wearing a tank top comfortably yesterday. Now there is (literally) freezing cold rain outside. FSU is closed until at least noon. It feels like the entire world has been turned upside down.

We snagged two less-feral-than-they-used-to-be kittens from outside and stuck them in the back room for the night. None of us could bear the idea of them being out in this weather.

Tonight is a night for wool socks and feather blankets.

Birthday fun

I'll post later about the amazing gifts a dear friend sent. For now I'll say that I have been treated quite well already today. Breakfast from Panera, gifts from a friend, birthday wishes from around the world.

And now.. I'll be spending the majority of my day doing this. Because I can.

Fuzzballs

Something happened to my back and I've been in excruciating pain for many days now. It's insane and nothing helps. Supporting my lower back with a pillow when I sit in chairs eases the pain a little. Because of that, B bought me a (rather expensive in my opinion) new chair for my birthday. When I'm using the computer I usually sit in a wooden kitchen chair, this one is a definite improvement.

I meant to post at least once a week but pain has a way of derailing plans. Better late than never, right? For better or worse, I mostly took pictures of some of our cats.


Three boys plus perler beads equals total happiness (or fighting over colors. It's a toss up).


My new chair, complete with Beast.


Eddy. His thirteenth birthday was on the 17th - ten days before mine. He's the only cat we have with a known birthday.


Erasmus James Flattery. Better known as Ras. This picture sums up how weird she is. Perching on small electronics? Totally normal.. right?


Pilot looking like a bobble head. The box my chair came in is wildly popular among all the critters.



Ramses. My old man. He's cross eyed, nearly toothless, and the sweetest cat I've ever known.


Faustus (though we just call him Faust) with a side of Pilot, Surreal, and Calcifer.


Ishtar. Neurotic and beautiful. Because cats are all weird in their own ways.

That's it. Beyond moaning in pain I've been reading books, carding fiber, and milking this "it's almost my birthday" thing for all it's worth (this mostly amounts to having extra coffee). Happy Friday!

Life lately.

It's been a while. Every time I reach for the camera or sit at the computer I feel this dread. There's nothing worth blogging about. I'm not homesteading, raising seven kids, writing a book, going on tour, taking my kids on interesting trips, changing the world. I'm at home, doing the things I always do. Who wants to read (or write) about that?

But today I was thinking.. that's who I am. I don't have to be the homesteader, the renowned artist, the whatever. I can be me. Wool obsessed, Rift addicted, coffee loving me. And with that, I'm going to try to get back in the swing of blogging. Even if it's just pictures here and there.

Here's a snippet of what we've been up to.


The Elf has been crafting with polymer clay again. He makes these amazing figures. Today's was a hellbug from Defiance/Rift. I think it looks really cool.


Wool and silk on the drying rack for Magic Missile rolags. February's Phat Fiber box is themed Geekery and that makes me very happy (I'm also making Eridium rolags).


This is Goblin. I expect she'll have a new name soon as she's off to her new home tonight. She's the once-feral kitten we've had in the back room for months. Not sure if her siblings (both still frequent our yard) are next on the list for rehabilitation. We can't "save" them all, unfortunately.


Pilot. My million dollar cat (not really, but he's working on it). His glucose levels are lower but not low enough. Or they weren't last Wednesday. He'll go back in another week and a half to check again. We're giving him six times the original dose of insulin that we thought would work. But he's gaining weight and acting really healthy.


I bought a few bags of wool. They've multiplied overnight (okay, it just looks that way). I really need to find a way to store this all. I see much dyeing in my future.


This was an early birthday gift to myself. I ordered a custom phone skin from DecalGirl. It's a screenshot of mine and B's characters from Rift (okay, two of the.. much higher number of characters). Yes. I'm that kind of dork. This sticker makes me insanely happy. Don't judge.

The Imp is well. His cast has been off for a long time and he can bend his fingers and is working on his "karate chop" exercises to stretch out the muscles in his arm. He doesn't have any pain and is improving every day. So yes. Life is good.

Still here

I've been remiss. These pictures are from.. almost a month ago, I guess. That can't be right. The fiber is from a month ago, at least. Things are crazy and that's normal.

Pilot still isn't "better" yet. We've doubled his insulin dosage now and are rechecking him Friday. The worry is that his glucose will drop too low and then there's the possibility of coma, neurological damage, and/or death. So fun times there.

The Imp is still in a cast (purple - his choice). It may very well come off tomorrow (and the pins out, but I don't like to think about that). I say "may" because I suspect it hinges on the xray and how things look. He still can't flex his index finger or thumb and I find that very worrying.

Look. Pictures.

So why am I so absent? Well, to be honest I have an addiction to a mmorpg and I'd really rather spend all of my free time there than editing pictures or writing about the pitfalls of preteen boys and homeschooling or cranky little kids who want to run around and be crazy but can't due to a purple cast.

I've gotten several concerned friends (thank you, guys) who want to know if I'm okay. There's crazy stress and cranky boys and money troubles. But there are also smiles and cuddles and laughter. I'm happy. Through it all, I'm okay and I'm happy. So thank you for your concern and I will endeavor to update here more often.

FInal update of the night

The Imp finally went in for surgery at 8pm. Apparently he was done by 9pm (the boys and had left around 8:30) and B joined him in the recovery room shortly after. All reports are of the Imp doing really well. He's drinking huge amounts of water and munching on crackers. I'm even told that he's been laughing at the Pink Panther cartoons I'd dropped off (latest update from B is that he also ate half the Panera mac and cheese I brought him).

I haven't gotten to see him. And that bothers me. But I know he's with B and I still have to take care of my other two monsters. With luck he'll be home tomorrow and things will be easier. Or more normal. Or something.

Today is catching up with me and it's time I eat my dinner of garlic bread (don't judge) and go to sleep.

Imp update

It is broken. And not in a "slap a cast on it" kind of way. He needs surgery.

We (the Elf, the Beast, and I) just got back from the hospital. He's being such a brave little kid. The dose of morphine they gave him has helped to deal with the pain and he's been resting. He's very much not happy - not that I can blame him. We're still waiting to hear from the surgeon about what needs to be done. They aren't letting him eat or drink and the poor kid is desperately thirsty. It's been hours and hours and my nerves are wearing quite thin (as is, I'll admit, my patience).

I suspect that he and B will spend the night at the hospital. It will be the second night in the Imp's life that I've spent away from him (and the third since meeting B that I've spent away from *him*). We're a close little family and this is not an easy thing for us.

Neither B nor I have ever broken a bone. We have no experience with this. And it's our little boy. Our Imp who is hugely brave but also gentle and has his share of fears. I know that parents all over the world have dealt with this and much worse. But that doesn't make it any easier for me.

 UPDATE! (like five minute later)
The doctor has been talked to. The surgery is fairly common and they should have him underway in an hour or so. I'm told something about pins and a cast for three weeks and then the pins come out? I'm unclear and am thinking that Googling it might be a bad idea for me (I Googled diabetes in cats and it was both helpful and terrifying). B is actively texting my updates here, so it's all a little fuzzy.

UPDATE AGAIN!
It's been about two hours since B was told "an hour or so" about the surgery. The morphine is wearing off and my little boy is in pain. Am I allowed to be getting irked at this situation? I realize that there are emergencies and things. But in my world he's the most important thing right now and dammit why haven't they fixed him yet? Ugh. Okay. I feel better now (not really). Carry on.

Imps and Elbows

The Imp is officially our first child to require a trip in an ambulance. This morning he climbed onto the arm of a chair (totally normal despite repeatedly being told not to) and fell off (I'm not convinced he didn't jump - also, sadly normal). His elbow looked.. wrong. Swollen. No blood or bones showing. But I panicked. B came home and decided that we couldn't move him so he called the paramedics. I suspect he's made it to the hospital by now. We're thinking it's dislocated, but it's just speculation.

This is excitement that I just didn't need. The last time an ambulance came to my house I was twelve and my mother died. So yeah. Today has not been great. I was meant to be packaging two orders I had over the weekend. Now I'm not sure that the post office will be doable.

I keep telling people that I'm fine. I'm calm and fine. But inside I think I'm still shaking and scared.

Back from the dead

Pilot is doing great! We're down to one injection (of only one unit) once a day!

Those pictures are exactly a week apart. He's gaining weight and acting like a normal cat again - well, as normal as any of my cats ever act.
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I'm feeling better as well. Less apathetic about life and beginning to get back into the swing of things. Despite feeling extremely uninspired I've been dyeing and carding fiber. I'll be updating my (sadly neglected) etsy shop in the next day or so. Here's a peek at what I have ready:

I've also managed to create quite the "to do" list for myself. It's the end of the year rush and I always end up thriving on a certain kind of mad chaos.

Updates

Just a quick post here.

1. Pilot is doing well. He's eating on his own (not enough yet, but we're getting there). His blood sugar has stabilized but we still need to lower it some so we've upped the dosage and are checking back in a week. Each and every day he acts more like his old self. I can't tell you how much better I feel about his chances.

2. I haven't had a full night's sleep in so long that I feel like a member of the zombie horde.

3. Tomorrow (November 2nd) is the Extra Life event. My whole family will take part (though the boys will only play for a little). There's still time to donate. All contributions go to the Children's Miracle Network and I'm running a giveaway for anyone who donates and lets me know about it (see post here).

4. I'll be live streaming most of my part of the event here.

5. I promise that after this weekend I'll stop posting about the charity thing. Until next year's event, any way.

Pilot and Totoro

Pilot is still fighting. I'm (force) feeding him with a syringe every couple of hours and have to give him injections every twelve hours. It's like having a newborn all over again. Except that it's possible that he could die at any time. But he's fighting back when we feed him so that's a good sign. He's feeling well enough to be stubborn.

I'm currently crocheting a Totoro trio for one of B's coworkers. Here's the teeny white one (though this is one I made for the boys) and the blue one's ears.

Don't forget that you can enter my giveaway. The basic idea is that you donate to a great cause (I don't believe there's a minimum amount) and you get a chance to win some stuff from me. It would mean the world to me if you donated.

Linking up with Nicole's {crafting on}.

Extra Life Incentive/GIveaway

Okay, folks. Next weekend (November 2nd and 3rd) I'll be "gaming for the kids" (you know, like "walking for a cure"). Head to Extra Life to read more about it. All donations go to help the kids.

So here's the thing. I'm offering the choice of several prizes to one randomly selected person: $20 off in my etsy shop, handmade fingerless gloves (yarn selection based on what's in my stash), or a knitted/crochet toy (we'll discuss options if you chose this one). Anyone who donates through my Extra Life page is entered into this giveaway (they accept credit cards and paypal). If you join a team or start your own Extra Life page, send me the link and you'll also be entered. Giveaway entries are accepted through the event. Monday, November 4th (my time) I'll announce and contact a winner (so be sure to leave some way for me to contact you!).

This is an amazing way to show the world that gamers aren't antisocial, violent, losers who spend all of their time sitting in the dark. Whether you play tabletop games, iphone games, card games, dice games, pc games, or console games you can join a group of like minded people and make a difference.

Feel free to share these links and information wherever you see fit. It's all about helping the kids.

If we can make it work, I'll also be broadcasting at least part of my gaming spree on Twitch. A lot of people participating in this event are stretching the 25 hours of gaming to both the 2nd and 3rd rather than just the 2nd (plus an hour, obviously). With three kids of my own (and a sick cat in need of force feeding every two hours) I'll be stretching it as well - from the morning of the 2nd to 11:59pm on the 3rd.

Quick Pilot Update

An old picture.
I just picked him up from the vet. He's looking better and his blood sugar is acceptable with just a small dose of insulin in the morning. I'm to go back tomorrow for his dose and a lesson on how to do it myself. Sunday will be all up to me. I'm more than a little nervous. Through it all, the vet (who is amazing, for the record) kept telling me how he'd feel better about Pilot's situation if he'd just eat by himself, rather than being fed with a syringe.

We got him home and in the bedroom (where cats aren't usually allowed) and the Elf brought me a can of wet food (also not usual for our critters). Before I even got the can all the way open Pilot was interested. I won't say that he ate a lot. But he ate (which is more than he did with yesterday's can). And that gives me so much hope.

Who knew that nasty smelling cat food could be the highlight of my day?

Pilot

I adopted Pilot from the animal shelter more than five years ago. He was huge and terrified of everyone. He warmed to me first and has remained mostly my cat. He'll tolerate B and the Elf and generally runs from everyone else.

Recently he lost a lot of weight. He had a cold and is getting older. We kept an eye on him, but he seemed fine, if more friendly. Hindsight being what it is, this should have been my wake up call. Earlier this week he became extremely lethargic and stopped eating. Then came the exorcist-style vomiting. I took him to the vet the next morning.

He has diabetes. This isn't uncommon in older cats. But the words "far gone" and "might not make it" were used. Frequently. They started him on fluids and insulin but told me they couldn't say that he would recover. It's been three days now. We bring him home at night and love on him, only to drop him back off at the vet in the morning. His blood sugar levels are better. But he isn't improving the way the vet would like. He won't eat on him own and is being "force fed" with a syringe. Today I'm going to be sent home with some insulin and instructions on how to do all of this at home. Monday morning they'll check his blood sugar levels again and then "the talk" will happen.

Pilot is very obviously sick. He's weak and tired a lot. But he doesn't seem to be in pain or suffering - not in the "I give up" way that Maynard was before she died last year. I'm going to fight for this cat. I can't afford the $1000+ specialist, no. But I will baby this cat for as long as he will let me.

This has been my entire week. I haven't read or knit or spun. I've worried. I've roamed the house aimlessly. I've cried. I've washed mountains of laundry.I've gotten lots of hugs from my boys.

Right. I just needed to get this out there. My next post will be less doom and gloom. I'm planning a giveaway incentive to anyone would donates to Extra Life through my personal donation page.

Extra Life

Okay people. I've never voluntarily joined a fundraising thing. I'll contribute, sure. But ask people for money? No way. Enter Extra Life. The short version is that I'm trying to raise $100 for the Trion Worlds Team. This is the least they'll let you sign up for. They say, have four friends pledge $1 an hour and play for 25 hours. Play video games for 25 hours. Torture, right? Find four people to contribute? Well, that may be the tricky part. As a family, we will be donating the money we've collected in our "give" jar. The donations, 100% of the money, go to children's hospitals to help families who can't afford treatment for their kids. The story is on the website and they can tell it better than I can.

The event takes place two weekends from now. I'm going to play at least 25 hours of video games (primarily Rift - a Trion game) between 8am November 2nd and 11:59pm November 3rd. If you'd like to donate you can go here to help me and the great folks at Trion raise some money for a good cause.

Down.

I come here often. I open the "new post" option and stare at the blankness. I think about what I've done lately, sigh, and then close the tab without writing a single thing. I have no beautiful pictures to share with you. We haven't had any amazing family outings to beautiful locations. There have been no great revelations of any kind. We've just been living. Doing our thing.

But that isn't all. Let's be real. I'm depressed. It's a tidal pull of "meh, I just don't care" that comes and goes in my life. I'm not sad or weepy. I'm listless, irritable, restless, frustrated, and utterly without drive to do anything. Inspiration is a thing that feels foreign and unknowable. I realize that I should push myself to do. Mind over body, right? But it's my mind that is stuck in the mud pit right now.

I'm at the point in this cycle where my mood angers me. Where I throw my hands in the air and demand that someone tell me what to do in order to snap out of this funk. Do I have any idea how/when/why this usually ends? Of course not. Once it's over all I want to do is forget that it ever happened and move back to being active and here
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So yeah. I'm still around. Still taking care of my kids (though the homeschooling has maybe definitely suffered). Still baking and knitting and (very rarely, at this point) dealing with fiber. Still reading a slew of blogs each and every day - marveling about how much people get done without letting chemicals/hormones/brain wiring/whatever slow them down.

I'm here. I'm just not here.

Knitting

I've been knitting and it's been fun (I'd lost the fun of knitting for a while - it had just become work). I also seem to have caught the dyeing bug again and just added three new braid to my etsy shop.


Knitting Flaming June using my Phat Fiber samples all spun up. So far I'm using the "Under the Sea" patchwork yarn and am loving it.


Rose Tyler fingerless gloves using Noro Silk Garden sock yarn that I acquired from my stepmother.

Would you believe that I'm not reading anything these days? I'm still waiting on a book from LibraryThings's Early Reviewer program. I was trying to catch up with the Kitty Norville books but accidentally read the most recent one before a couple that I'd missed so now I've lost interest.

Linking up with the Yarn Along, I guess.

Life in pictures

Things have been rough around here. Emotional crap and losing faith in my own abilities. This is me not wanting to complain - have some pictures instead.


Sweater for the Imp's birthday. Ravelry notes here.


Two months worth of Phat Fiber sample tags. So much stamping.


Feral mama cat. We're at our wits end with these cats. They aren't adjusting and we can't keep them locked up much longer. We can't get them fixed if we can't touch them to get them into a cat box. It's.. ugh. It's part of the frustration.


Finally finished spinning for the Nerd-along with Hobbledehoy. Ravelry notes here.

Busy

I meant to post on Wednesday for the Yarn Along. I took pictures and everything. Oops. At any rate, here's what I've been up to.


Future samples for Phat Fiber. I'm calling the colorway "Thunderhead."


More future samples. These are inspired by the sepia colors in Da Vinci's sketches.


Captain America sweater for the Imp's birthday late this month.


The third book in a series that I devoured.


Dyeing soy and tussah silk. I've also been dyeing banana silk, hemp, tencel, and bamboo. And wool, of course.


This is how the Elf amuses himself these days (when he isn't fighting with a computer to install Minecraft mods).

Linking up with Linda.